I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
