well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
