His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
