I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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