just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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