I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
