Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
