I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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