I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
