We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
