a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
