They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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