I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I could fuck to npr.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
