Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
