Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
