You really coming over, don't trick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
