Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize