I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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