My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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