apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
