And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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