The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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