Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
