I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
