I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
