i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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