so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
