I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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