i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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