ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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