I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
this hospital has no fireball
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
