I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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