after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
