im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
