We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
