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I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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