we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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