In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
