I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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