Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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