turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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