Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
