wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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