your room smells of hookers.
And success
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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