Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
