did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
