This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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