White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
