I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
