I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
