the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
