you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
