I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
These tits shall not be calmed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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