Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
