Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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