Kiss
Puke
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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