Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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