it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
