3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
