So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
