ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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