remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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