So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
